121

On yellow paper it happens
On yellow paper pens cry
And sweat and kiss the lines
On yellow paper
The pen goes frantic
Drawing lines through words we dare not even let our own eyes read
On yellow paper
It happens
The ink trails to show a trail of thought
On yellow paper the pen waits patiently in your hand
As you look to it
It's trembles with electricity of all the untied words swimming in your head and in your heart and through your arms and eyes and toes
'No body knows' you think
'What I do'
And it happens on yellow paper
That you read it back and know
You know nothing either
But that empty silence and that 60 watt lightbulb
Sometimes our expectations are betrayed by numbers
Sometimes impossible to assign rational value to him her them
Or what we feel for either
But we can count the lines
On the table
On the paper
On the paper on the table
Smooth ink smooth paper smooth thoughts...
?
Crinkled piles is what it is
If you can't say it, write it
And if you can't write it, write it anyway

120

Diamond lady
Falls asleep
Toes fall creep
Curtains that keep
The light out
Diamond lady
They made their bed and in it
Spoke without speaking
Taught without teaching
Fingers, lips creeping
It was made for the keeping
Yeah, diamond lady
They put drinks in their mouths
And bullets in their heads
From lovin' that spilled
All over the bed
And onto the floor
And straight through the door
At one time they came through
at one time together
But not anymore
Diamond lady
A head full of rocks
Diamond lady
A heart made of stone
Diamond lady
Not so pretty, not so shiny, not so forever anymore
Diamond lady
She'll cut you so tiny you won't even notice
Til one day you've turned into dust
Down to the bone and into your soul turning sweet memories into rust
Ohhh diamond lady
You'll always be alone
And to you she will say
diamonds shine brighter in the dark..

118

a NYC special
i know you heard it all before
i cant tell you anything new about New York
except the impression on me
we did it worse, but we did it first
tree lined highways
cobra vodka
cotton candy piles and pussy hats
everything is purple
that bridge crossing a body of water of happiness
a feeling of uplifted clean
as we made our way to the heart of that gritty city
everything dirty but so interesting
pink hair naked lines trash culture shoe repair
they all just people, we all poop in a trailer
puffy bagels and cream cheese with jam
afternoon teas
in sunny rooms
55th 360 rooftop views
all those itty bitty lights
i wished they were white
a place like this, this place like this, makes you feel so nice
so small and unimportant
it's just how i like
to feel,
how could it be so new on the eyes, yet so old in the books
and something picture worthy in tiny hidden nooks
so old yet so new
like wet paint that's chipped
i forgot all the things i thought mattered
they don't here
they didn't there
no one cares about you
and its uncomfortably comforting
but not even a place like this could make me hard
five years and first loves
new friends to maintain the buzz
stoner talks and sunlight walks
on cobblestone streets
the smell of meats mix with the fumes of banana taxi cabs
we shouldn't eat out but we couldn't help it
bought gifts for the wrapping only
saw day light attractions at night
and night time attractions in the day
brought lots of clothes but wore the same outfit
pizza tastes better after taxi chasing and long walks in high heels
those songs from our teenage years
belting em out between sips of beers and tequila
sounded so much better this time around
if you were looking for something that couldn't be found
it's here it's here
everything is here

117

lies longer than her eye lashes
faker than Barbie's waist
in a rough shape was she
a hexagon with seven sides rough
i found a good song
but then i found i better one
so i played that over and over
until it didn't sound good
then i remembered the song i found first
and played that one,
but only just once
BarbieGon - half monster half woman (all monster?)
the latest useless plastic attraction coming from an imagination near you!

116

The happiest mom in Minnesota
Went to Dakota
To take perkisets
Hearts pounding
Weird clicking noise
It amps up the pressure even more
But now I know that it's for sure
Been smoking inside all night long
Beside thirsty girls
And preppy girls
a chante
Means wearing purple
They're wearing purple
If you want to show
How much you don't care
Wear purple
Queens wear purple
Prince wears purple
Pekipsy
Is a place
Where you play lazer tag
Love is a lot like lazer tag
It moves really fast
If you wanna take a step back
You're running away
And if you try to run away in lazer tag
You're it
You're it
You've always been it
Leave the crusts on
Leave the porch light on
I'm going home
What?
“How terrible it is when you say I love you and the person on the other end shouts back ‘What?'
It will only hit you when it hurts
Where it hurts
Zap zap zap
Purple lazers everywhere
It's just love
Like scabs
Pick em off
Or don't
No leave them
They're purple
They match your shirt
Those purple love stains match your shirt
Dasshot

115

She called it musty
but I called it sex
when she smelled like Chanel
and cigarettes
Up in that rarefied atmosphere
windows and plywood lofts
sky lines and bed views
I was sitting in an armchair
Just thinking about my thoughts
A toilet paper streamer party
in the bathroom stall
and pretty fuckin' flower paper
on a wrinkly wall
Fuck, fight or hold a light
The dirt under her nails
The smoke under her tales
Spun round and up
Shut down and never
Spun round and up
And rose forever
24 7 up
Forever and a day
It was long, it was short
Like her hair, like her snort
Like her drink, and her skirt
That fingernail dirt
The only island she was on
was made of long iced tea
And the blue sky fell all around, all around
and the blue sky fell all around

114

salt and spikes
spiky shoes
rockabilly blues
emo is news
but that's just how i feel
pretty boy floyd
spiking, grooving, bodies moving
crunch, crunch, crunch
We can time it
To the minute
stare out a window
at evaporating shadows
and
forming fixtures
take a picture
of
light posts and salt grains
chewing on leather
soles and the souless
chewed, bitten, now biting
a winter that's air
a winter that's there
sometimes
no Photoshop
make for the best pictures
but please add some filters
an eye and some film
and some magic
(smile less,
speak less,
big eyes,
cheeks in,
mouth open,
hair down,
tilt left but tilt right,
but head down,
now chin up,
now sit tight)
click, click, click,
yah that
emo
fuckin'
kid
shit
(grow up baby/it's beautiful/just like you)
it's the latest accessory
like the scarf 'round your neck
like the hat on your head
and fingertips
red
poking out from
those fingerless
gloves
whew..
the winter wind biting
salt chewing
feet fighting
not to trip
loose shoe
grips
those soleless soled shoes you
haven't gotten used to
exhaust spew
street lights stream
and steam
from glossy sewers
artificial warmth from the trains below and bodies moving
to and fro
And you can hear the snow
Sounds muffled, feets shuffled
As flakes fall
We can time it
To the minute
Fall, fall, fall
Except "snowflakes", they say, "don't make no sound at all"
But they do, and they do
Everything does
and if you thought you heard buzzing
in your ears
it's about to get a lot louder, my dears