131

I didn't want to be your background girl
Your backdrop, your familiar
Your night light
I stayed in the spot where you put me
I wanted to cause scenes and get into the faces
Of people I hated to meet
So I let you go so I could know what it would feel like to be you
And it's that wonderful nauseous feeling
Tap tap a microphone
All eyes on you as our ears
Listen to the drone of the druken night passing by of the off beat rhythm on the side walk
Play it louder louder louder
So you didn't have to hear anyone and especially not the voice inside your head
Or worse,
The one inside your heart
But only time could teach me
But only when it would be too late to reach me
The only place I could shine was in that corner where you put me
where I wanted to hide anyway

130

Always hungry never eating
Always tired never sleeping
Always thinking never dreaming
Always doing never being
And If you turned those sometimes into always
And those maybes into yes's
And seriously pondered why
Swans do not wear dresses
And all those tiny thoughts confesses
On your crispy white couch
"When I am through with you" she said,
"Your eyes will be puffy
A pang in your head
And your stomach turned green
And then you would know what real beauty means
That naked swans are perfect naked
And the bark on trees isn't better smoothed
Five is less than six
But five is perfect too
In fingers and toes and senses
Your nose Fits mine feels fine
Give me all my days in sunshine
More issues than tissues
Tears enough to fill dusty wine bottles you've yet to return..."
"How does love look like?" he asked
"Like a million tiny aphids," she said,
"Sticking to your hair and clothes
In your mouth up your nose
It's annoying but it's fun
And it's a nuisance and there is no clarity
Except on shiny mornings
When after our coffee and cigarette
We realize all our wasted time
Was building something we could never throw away"
"Tell me something beautiful" he said
"Swans are white", she replied.

129

Karma chameleon
Have you been a dreamein?
All day, all night
If you want to fuck swag
You have to know what swag is
But do you know where swag came from?
Probably not
You think you know shit
Solely based cause you're
Hot
Hawt
Nawt
Not
We're all trying to fight
Look at me! Look at me!
Are you on the ground?
No
You are scared to fall
But fail, please fail
And get some humility
Your whiteboard is whitewash
The real talk happens after the real talk
The real party is the after party
And the real poem comes from the afterthought
Hot or not
Doesn't matter
Can you look in the mirror
When lifes hits sent it to shatter?
Embrace the splatter
And paint with the mess
That's when you'll create your best
Cause I'll get from you what you give to me
And then some...
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes
You might find
You can if you're me

128

Red on Red on Red
Red hat
Red nails
Red wall
Red wine

Revelations

photo by @glnmchl

127

126

oh how we feel we've grown old,
when flesh candles we can't seem to hold
and oh how we know we've grown old,
when friends stop asking about your latest guitar,
and instead compliment you on your new BarBeQue
oh how we know we've grown old,
when the things we have come to love
can be counted on three fingers,
a thumb for babies
an index finger for pets
and a middle finger for drugs,
oh how we feel we've grown old
when sex has been replaced for hugs
and bathroom stalls are just for pissing
and the only thing that you are missing
is your hair
keep the kid (in you) alive
don't wish for slow days to pass you by
cause they will, and they will
and you'll grow older still
and time will speed its fidgety hands
and loud sounds of disco bands
will fade into your shattered memory
i think late is better than never

125

vanilla ice cream is unusual
like usual
i grabbed my morning coffee
like usual
i smoked my morning cigarette
like usual
i thought about the day and what i would do and
like usual
i felt like a usually did
but this morning
unlike usual
or, rather, unusually
i dropped the last few sips of my coffee on a scoop of vanilla ice cream
and the day wasn't so bad any more
it never usually is 
and i know, and you know
that sometimes it feels
more often than not
there is nothing and no one
to give us a thought
or us to them
no one, no one
no one to talk to
no one to call home
no one to call baby when you get home
no one to call
no one, no one,
no one at all
but even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all